We needed a hockey player—especially a center who can take a punch.
Brandon Dubinsky’s is on the bench with sinus pressure stemming from a few blows he sustained in a fight with the Devils’ Ryan Carter.
“I’m OK. I took it in the nose pretty good,” he said to Newsday. “The issue is the [sinus] pressure. The flight here was OK. It affects me more when I’m sleeping, lying down.
Brandon, welcome to the Sleep Sitting Up Club. I’d shake your hand, but we don’t shake hands. (See germ posts). Sinus Sister hasn’t slept flat on her back in years. Other things she does on her back notwithstanding. Here are a few tips from the Club.
1. Move the clock radio out of your new sight line. You will stare at it.
2. If a hotel has thin pillows, use a sofa cushion, wrapped in a towel.
3. Drink a steaming cup of tea or broth in bed.
4. Ease the sinus pressure with a hot compress. If you can’t sleep, get up and re-heat the compress a few times.
5. Ask your Puck Bunny to do #4 when she’s done watching Jersey Shore.*
*Sinus Sister doesn’t know if Dubinsky has a Puck Bunny or an actual wife. If he does, she may not watch Jersey Shore, but I bet she has a long ponytail and lots of baseball hats.
In a bid to get her lungs back, Sinus Sister breathes deep
…in through the nose, out through the nose. No cheating. No mouth breathing. Slow and steady. All goes well with the yoga while I’m vertical. But two breathes into Downward Dog, the pain starts. It’s as if a dentist’s drill slipped off its target and went into a sinus cavity. The drill won’t rest until it dislodges an eye. Ouch….OUCH….
“In through the nose, out through the nose”—my eye!
Staggering forward into Quitter’s Pose, Sinus Sister admits defeat and rolls up her mat, never again to do Downward Dog with a silent sinus infection. With no stuffy nose to warn her of impending pain, she learns that a so-called dry sinus infection is just as bad—and brutal for yoga.
Rating: 
Why see a silent film: for the unexpected sound gags
Who to take: someone on a first date
Who we loved: Bérénice Bejo, who is all moxy with no mugging
What we didn’t miss: colour
What we wanted afterward: elbow-length gloves
Inspired by the film’s classy black and white palette, Sinus Sister banished all Christmas-sy tissue boxes from the house except one—the seasonal two-ply penguin design by Scotties. It’s understated yet grand, somehow, just like The Artist. Now, let me practice pulling off my long gloves, tugging on one finger (tug) at (tug) a (tug) time (tug).
A Lapsed Anglican Leverages Lent
If you are inclined to give something up for Lent, you already have vices on the chopping block. Forget all those. Here’s a direct order from the Department of Human Decency: Stop sniffing. Everyone. Stop. Sniffing. We hear you sniffing on the metro. We hear you in line at the bank. The pharmacy. The supermarket. Your sniffing does not improve the soundtrack at the movies. It does nothing for our appetite at dinner. It ruins a road trip. Stop horking back your snot in public, then looking around helplessly, as if you couldn’t possibly be expected to carry tissues. Here, here are a few of my tissues. Pass them around.
Sucrets are From Mars, Fisherman’s Friend is from Venus
Wait a sec, as I pry a losenge off my molar. That can’t be good for the enamel. My hacking cough hasn’t stopped, but my dependence on big, sugary losenges must come to an end. It’s time to graduate to a more adult solution—one that isn’t candy in disguise. (I’m talking to you, Cherry Sucrets!)
Emboldened by maturity, I reach for a pack of Fisherman’s Friend. Tearing open the package, I nearly spill the contents. Open with care. Looking at the package again, I catch site of the word “menthol”, but it doesn’t make much impact. Menthol, schmenthol.
People talk about Fisherman’s Friends being strong , so I’m ready—or, as ready as you can be for a turbo-powered menthol kick to your respiratory system. FIRE IN THE HOLE. In full panic mode, my tongue plays hot potato with the losenge, which cannot be confused with its less lethal competitors. Will someone get this losenge a restraining order? Once the panic ends (two long minutes), I make peace with the Fisherman’s Friend and let it do its thing….Hmm. The cough eases up within five minutes and the losenge doesn’t become a carbuncle on my molar. It was a Fisherman’s Friend…with benefits.
Glass. Half. Full.
1) You believe, and therefore can, run to catch the last bus. Wearing boots with heels. This contributes to your financial health (no taxi) and enables a full 7 hours of sleep that night.
2) You can walk without feeling the cold, like Stalin’s red army, to the grocery store. This contributes to your financial health (no take-out delivery) and enables a three course meal.
3) You forget you have to pee while performing #1 and #2. This contributes to your dignity (no begging shopkeepers to let you use their bathroom) and enables longer outtings…in the cold…Wait a minute.
But it’s all for a good cause. Some hectic Googling revealed a study published in The American Journal of Public Health in 1993 showing how those who drink in moderation (insert eye roll) have greater resistance to 5 strains of the common cold versus those who don’t drink. Those people who consumed 2 to 3 drinks daily had an 85% greater resistance. Those people who had 1-2 drinks daily had a 65% lower risk and those who drank less than daily had a 30% risk than abstainers. SOLD!
RICHMOND, VA—At a press conference Tuesday, tobacco giant Philip Morris introduced its new medicinal cigarette, Marlboro Sinus PM, a smokable nighttime cough suppressant and analgesic designed to ease cold symptoms. “Marlboro Sinus PM uses the power of acrid tobacco smoke to restore and rejuvenate,” Philip Morris president William Gifford said. “Just inhale two cigarettes right before bedtime and the medicated tar goes to work by coating your mucus and packing it down deep inside your lungs. You’ll wake up feeling rested, refreshed, and ready for a smoke.” In addition to the Sinus PM cigarettes, Philip Morris will later this month introduce its new line of Non-Drowsy Daytime Formula 100s and Copenhagen Smokeless Birth Control Dipping Tobacco.
-from The Onion
CBC’s Marketplace nitpicks COLD-FX
If COLD-FX is a fraud, OFF WITH THEIR HEADS! Nobody would be happier than Sinus Sister to partake in their public shaming (Flogging is illegal, right?). To date, I’ve gladly shelled out about $900.00 from my purse for COLD-FX. Then came a CBC exclusive report, which you can watch here. When Peter Mansbridge introduced the segment last week, a chill went down my spine. The CBC’s Markeplace earns its reputation for outting charletons. Did this broadcast spell the end for COLD-FX?
Jaw clenched, I watched the segment, admiring host Erica Johnson’s hair. Her composure and style distracted me, momentarily, from the fact that the segment was a dud. It failed to launch. Here’s what I think happened: Marketplace devoted considerable resources to bringing down COLD-FX. When they couldn’t disgrace the cold remedy, they started nitpicking about the word “immediate” on the packaging, which is already being phased out anyway. Marketplace asked unbiased experts to look at the clinical trials behind COLD-FX and the experts concluded there is no evidence it offers immediate relief, as the packaging claims. The experts also say there’s scant evidence that COLD-FX decreases the duration of the common cold. It only reduces your risk of getting a cold by 15%, if you take it every day for two to six months. This is interesting. Except what about all the happy customers? Are we all suggestible dupes?
When presented with Marketplace’s findings, former COLD-FX spokesperson Don Cherry didn’t budge. He’s a believer, based on personal experience. Sinus Sister doesn’t scoff at the science, like Cherry, but I’m not willing to quibble over the wording on the package. Does COLD-FX cause “immediate relief”? Of course not. Did you expect it to? What it offers me, personally, is assured relief, soon. If that’s snake oil, I’ll take another bottle, please. But thank goodness the crack team at Marketplace caught up with COLD-FX, before we all….felt better?
Accusing COLD-FX of making false claims to provide “immediate relief” is like:
1) accusing the Concord of not getting you to Paris fast enough.
2) accusing your dentist of having a messy waiting room when you fail to nail her for malpractice.
3) accusing a tried-and-true cold remedy of being snake oil despite the fact that it works for millions of Canadians.
Nobody buys it for the flavour
Things that might taste better than Oil of Oregano:
1) Band-Aides
2) Roadkill
3) Chernobyl
So, why does Sinus Sister spend a small fortune on little bottles of this fowl tincture? Because it works! Germs and bacteria in her throat are decimated with oregano’s scorch-and-burn powers. She can feel it clear-cutting its way down her throat, smiting infection.
Recently, I got a 50 ml bottle of Hedd Wyn’s Wild Oil of Oregano for $35, on sale from $60—almost half price (If you’re flush with cash, you can get it directly from Hedd Wyn). While laying out that kind of “tin”, as they say on Breaking Bad, I like to read up on the science to justify the purchase. I learned oil of oregano is anti viral, anti bacterial, anti fungal, anti parasitic, anti oxidant, and anti inflammatory. That’s six reasons to keep it close. It works because of the carvacrol, a natural phenol that contains powerful anti-microbial activity. Flavonoids provide natural antiseptic properties, and terpenes (long chain hydrocarbons) are natural anti-inflammatory agents. It also helps re-balance your body after a nasty course of antibiotics.
Winner of the Worst-Tasting Must-Have Winter Health Item: Oil or Oregano
Rating: 
