Blood Simple: Dexter, Nosebleeds & Sinus Sister’s Dark Passenger

Sinus Sister’s Draws First Blood

“What would Dexter think of this splatter pattern?”, I wonder, looking at my pillow case…

 

 

DEXTER MORGAN enters a disheveled BEDROOM, and heads straight to the blood-splattered PILLOW, but not before finding an empty bottle of TYLENOL SINUS on the floor and noting a GLASS OF WATER on the bedside table. Detective ANGEL BATISTA eyes some LINGERIE on the floor. The RED NEGLIGEE is surrounded by crumpled KLEENEX. The two detectives exchange a LOOK.

DEXTER

It’s not what you think, Angel.

ANGEL

              It’s not? Chances are, we’ll find her body in the vacant lot next door.

DEXTER

(Dexter looks out the bedroom window at the VACANT LOT and sees RAGWEED)

She’s not dead.

DEXTER returns his attention to the PILLOW. His eyes trace the BLOOD SPLATTER.

DEXTER

(CONT’D)

It’s low-velocity splatter, from zero distance. There was immediate contact between her head and the pillow. See the smear? It’s from tossing and turning all night. She’s about 5’6″, 120 lbs.

Dexter surveys the bedroom, looking for something. He notes the empty ELECTRICAL SOCKETS.

DEXTER

No humidifier. That’s it. The dry air gave her a nose bleed in the middle of the night. She panicked.

ANGEL

Well, where is she?

DEXTER

At the pharmacy, getting more Tylenol Sinus.

ANGEL was satisfied by DEXTER’S explanation, but DEXTER looked nervously out the WINDOW at the VACANT LOT.

DEXTER

(voice over)

She’s not at the pharmacy.

She’s going to kill the Slum Lord responsible for the ragweed next door.

ANGEL holds a file labelled MISSING, and crosses off the name SINUS SISTER.

DEXTER

(voice over)

A sneezing fit woke her up. She saw the blood and met her own dark passenger.

DEXTER has a violent SNEEZE.

DEXTER

(voice over)

I’m gonna help Sinus Sister kill this deadbeat.

 

18 Comments


  1. I have night bleeds too. Does a nasal flush or Neti pot work?

    • They work temporarily, until you can get some humidity in the room. The humidity is the answer, or else you’ll wake up to a bloody gusher every morning–especially if you live in a cold climate with dry heat, like baseboard heaters. They’re hell on sinuses. Thanks for the question, Glen!

  2. birch is a bitch

    omg this is freaking hilarious. and kind of gross. i too have known the blood spatter, not of ragweed which is not my season, but of lovely lovely birch trees. they look pretty so i’m glad my slumlord hasn’t cut them down… but i’m considering a month-long trip to dexter’s miami next may in order to escape my own dark passenger of springtime snot.

    • “Dexter” makes me crave Miami!!! Despite the gore and crime, the show is like a 60-minute ad by Tourism Miami….palm trees…breeze…serial killers…

  3. This is too good .. it’s only later I realize i am on a site about noses … like the improvised feel of things, clever.

    • Watching “Dexter” is one of my dirty pleasures, while suffering on the sofa beside a tissue box…Thanks for reading!

  4. Dearest Sinus Sister,
    A little trick I learned after staying in the Las Vegas desert for a bit. Before you go to bed, run a hot shower (with the bathroom door closed) for 15 – 20 minutes. Open door and let the delicious, moist steam fill your rooms. It helped me when I started getting gushers. Not very eco-minded but a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do!

  5. Very original! Dare I ask what Sinus Sister’s equivalent is to Dexter’s collection of blood slides?

    • Cheeky question!!! LOL!!! I’ll never tell, but you won’t find it stashed behind my air conditioner.

  6. My Dark Passenge rides into the fall from summer bringing dry skin, itchy scalp, congestion and irritability …which results in Deborah-like cursing in the middle of the night when I awake with the Sahara desert alive in my throat …$@*¥$ Pass the water Dexter !!!

    • You are an honorary Sinus Sister, Andrea, for this excellent Comment. It’s nice to know I’m not the only person waking in a dry, bloody rage…

  7. Love this. Clearly the best way to emphasize the importance of humidifying. Oh Canadian winter. You’re here already and it’s only October. Sigh. Whimper.

    • After Thanksgiving, Sinus Sister digs the humidifier out of the basement. Filling the tank with water twice a day is a thankless task, but it must be done. Like cleaning the fridge. Grrrrr.

  8. This. Is. Amazing. That is all.

    • Beautygeeks Goddess, those are kind words! Your blog continues to be the benchmark for 1) great titles 2) cool hooks 3) visual imagination 4) snazzy video editing and 5) thoughtful comments. I watch with awe.

  9. YOU are too kind! Thanks for the nice words :-)

  10. Joanne – The Dexter riff was absolutely brilliant! Now do a sinus-themed script based on Being Erica. Cancon! Cancon! Cancon!

Trackbacks

  1. Yves Saint Laurent Touche Éclat turns 20 Soon -- Do You Know What it Really IS?

Leave a Reply