Hands Down Winner: Beating the Common Cold with O.C.D.
Sinus Sister scrubs up for winter
We walk among you, undetected. If you watch closely, however, you’ll see we never touch a door handle or push a shopping cart without wearing gloves. We avoid shaking hands and we will never, ever grab the communal Ketchup at a restaurant. Sometime around Thanksgiving—either Canadian or American—we turn our attention to the one activity that gives us solace: washing our hands. With each murderous orgy of soapy rubbing, we smite the germs and declare ourselves victorious. TAKE THAT!
Welcome to hand washing season, commonly known as “winter”. Let me be your guide. Hand washing season begins with a messianic faith in pump-action liquid soap that claims to have sanitizing properties. A bottle of this soap will only last two weeks in high season, so stock up. Anyone living in your house who doesn’t share your enthusiasm for hand washing will comment frequently on your dedication to the process. Those comments will be tinged with concern and an edge of accusation—like, “don’t you dare go crazy on me”. This person will try to sucker punch you by suggesting therapy. Ignore that suggestion. It’s the default solution of someone with an iron-clad immune system. Resume hand washing. Repeat as needed. Don’t touch the doorknob on your way out of the public bathroom…but you already knew that, didn’t you?
- 02/27/2012 • The Artist: Black & White Film, Scotties Tissue Box Make a Case for Class
- 02/14/2012 • Kiss on the Lips: Even Germophobes Take a Holiday
- 02/08/2012 • How Booze Makes you Invincible and Resistant to the Common Cold
- 12/28/2011 • Hawksley Workman’s “Common Cold” for Christmas, Live in Red Deer