Posts Tagged ‘Kleenex’
Sinus Sister’s Draws First Blood
“What would Dexter think of this splatter pattern?”, I wonder, looking at my pillow case…
DEXTER MORGAN enters a disheveled BEDROOM, and heads straight to the blood-splattered PILLOW, but not before finding an empty bottle of TYLENOL SINUS on the floor and noting a GLASS OF WATER on the bedside table. Detective ANGEL BATISTA eyes some LINGERIE on the floor. The RED NEGLIGEE is surrounded by crumpled KLEENEX. The two detectives exchange a LOOK.
It’s not what you think, Angel.
It’s not? Chances are, we’ll find her body in the vacant lot next door.
(Dexter looks out the bedroom window at the VACANT LOT and sees RAGWEED)
She’s not dead.
DEXTER returns his attention to the PILLOW. His eyes trace the BLOOD SPLATTER.
It’s low-velocity splatter, from zero distance. There was immediate contact between her head and the pillow. See the smear? It’s from tossing and turning all night. She’s about 5’6″, 120 lbs.
Dexter surveys the bedroom, looking for something. He notes the empty ELECTRICAL SOCKETS.
No humidifier. That’s it. The dry air gave her a nose bleed in the middle of the night. She panicked.
Well, where is she?
At the pharmacy, getting more Tylenol Sinus.
ANGEL was satisfied by DEXTER’S explanation, but DEXTER looked nervously out the WINDOW at the VACANT LOT.
She’s not at the pharmacy.
She’s going to kill the Slum Lord responsible for the ragweed next door.
ANGEL holds a file labelled MISSING, and crosses off the name SINUS SISTER.
A sneezing fit woke her up. She saw the blood and met her own dark passenger.
DEXTER has a violent SNEEZE.
I’m gonna help Sinus Sister kill this deadbeat.
Welcome to the Beauty Contest for Tissue Boxes
“Tissue?”, a friend asked, eyebrows raised. She had already endured 10 minutes of my unrepentant sniffing. Shauna held out a tissue box so summery that it made the birds chirp. Visions of beach towels and BBQs filled my head.
“Whe-where did you get these?”
“Wal-Mart. They’re on sale, if there’s any left,” she offered, gracefully holding out the waste basket for my castoffs. “But they may be at the pharmacy, too.”
How did I miss these? Three months of summer flew by before I noticed these triangular-shaped boxes of sunshine. Kleenex outdid itself with the ice cream theme, offering vibrant photos of mint, orange, cherry and blue berry (off screen). Somehow, they’re simultaneously innocent, decadent and almost dirty. But the core message is clear: summer is here, summer is here! Amen.
“You can take my last box home if you stop sniffing.” Shauna is a mother of two and knows how to leverage a bribe. Deal.
(70 2-ply tissues for $3.98 or less)
Welcome to the beauty contest for tissues boxes.
From the Department of Protesting Too Much: this pattern was not featured because it matches Sinus Sister’s logo….No it wasn’t….The design, called Stepping Stone, is on a new wallet tissue pack from Kleenex®. It strikes me as an (unintentional?) tribute to artist Franz Kline, an American master of the black slash, circle and squiggle. His huge action paintings need to be seen live, full scale, so wander through the Art Gallery of Ontario to eyeball Kline’s iconic Chief painting, and save yourself a trip to MoMA.