Posts Tagged ‘The Onion’

Sinus Cigarettes? The Onion Gives Us a Laugh at the Only Company Worse than Monsanto

January 18, 2012  |  News  |  , ,  |  1 Comment

 

 

RICHMOND, VA—At a press conference Tuesday, tobacco giant Philip Morris introduced its new medicinal cigarette, Marlboro Sinus PM, a smokable nighttime cough suppressant and analgesic designed to ease cold symptoms. “Marlboro Sinus PM uses the power of acrid tobacco smoke to restore and rejuvenate,” Philip Morris president William Gifford said. “Just inhale two cigarettes right before bedtime and the medicated tar goes to work by coating your mucus and packing it down deep inside your lungs. You’ll wake up feeling rested, refreshed, and ready for a smoke.” In addition to the Sinus PM cigarettes, Philip Morris will later this month introduce its new line of Non-Drowsy Daytime Formula 100s and Copenhagen Smokeless Birth Control Dipping Tobacco.

-from The Onion