Posts Tagged ‘Tylenol Sinus’
Sinus Sister addresses the neti problem
The Villains: neti pots are the much-maligned wee teapots people use to rinse their sinuses. Not everyone is familiar with this ancient Indian technique, but when Dr. Oz featured neti pots on T.V. last January, they got a big shove into the mainstream. Neti pots are not yet ubiquitous like my beloved Tylenol Sinus, but they will soon be as accepted as thermometers—another health tool that gets inserted into our orifices.
So what’s the problem? They can kill you. This year, two Louisiana residents died after neti potting. And they weren’t idiots who rinsed with paint thinner. They used tap water, which delivered the so-called brain eating amoeba (Naegleria fowleri) into their system. It wasn’t pretty.
#1 Tip to Avoid Death-By-Neti-Pot: use distilled water. Alternately, boil tap water for 10 minutes and let it cool before use. Make sure to rinse out your neti pot and let it dry in the open air (not your medicine cabinet). Now, feel safe to enjoy the magical healing properties of Alladin’s sinus-soothing nose lamp.
Sinus Sister’s Draws First Blood
“What would Dexter think of this splatter pattern?”, I wonder, looking at my pillow case…
DEXTER MORGAN enters a disheveled BEDROOM, and heads straight to the blood-splattered PILLOW, but not before finding an empty bottle of TYLENOL SINUS on the floor and noting a GLASS OF WATER on the bedside table. Detective ANGEL BATISTA eyes some LINGERIE on the floor. The RED NEGLIGEE is surrounded by crumpled KLEENEX. The two detectives exchange a LOOK.
It’s not what you think, Angel.
It’s not? Chances are, we’ll find her body in the vacant lot next door.
(Dexter looks out the bedroom window at the VACANT LOT and sees RAGWEED)
She’s not dead.
DEXTER returns his attention to the PILLOW. His eyes trace the BLOOD SPLATTER.
It’s low-velocity splatter, from zero distance. There was immediate contact between her head and the pillow. See the smear? It’s from tossing and turning all night. She’s about 5’6″, 120 lbs.
Dexter surveys the bedroom, looking for something. He notes the empty ELECTRICAL SOCKETS.
No humidifier. That’s it. The dry air gave her a nose bleed in the middle of the night. She panicked.
Well, where is she?
At the pharmacy, getting more Tylenol Sinus.
ANGEL was satisfied by DEXTER’S explanation, but DEXTER looked nervously out the WINDOW at the VACANT LOT.
She’s not at the pharmacy.
She’s going to kill the Slum Lord responsible for the ragweed next door.
ANGEL holds a file labelled MISSING, and crosses off the name SINUS SISTER.
A sneezing fit woke her up. She saw the blood and met her own dark passenger.
DEXTER has a violent SNEEZE.
I’m gonna help Sinus Sister kill this deadbeat.
Sinus Sister’s Storm Warning
It comes out of nowhere. A jagged pain sears across my frontal lobe. Jolted to attention, I scan the sky for storm clouds. It’s calm and sunny, but don’t be fooled. Something wicked this way comes. The barometric pressure drops again, slowly ripping open my sinuses like the fault line in an earthquake. Death Eaters swirl above, near invisible, but I know they’re there. The only salvation is rain, sweet rain…and Tylenol Sinus. Sinus Sister battens down the hatches and waits. This too will pass.